THE CALL FROM H***

I hope you guys tried that little exercise that I said in my last blog. I did that exercise with my oldest this morning and he loves feeling those special words about him. My heart wants me to bring you in and share with you what has happened in last couple of months of my life. Imagine waking up and you received some news that is very hard to swallow. When your done with that news, you immediately want to tell your spouse or a friend. You both look at each other and your mouth just drops wide open, and you start hugging each other because you don't know what to do with that news. Well unfortunately for me this news struck me like a bullet leaving a gun. 

My family is not that big, we only have four us in our family. I have mother who always see the good in other people. I have a brother who lives his life to the fullest and I had a dad who worshipped his family and do anything for them. Unfortunately, I lost my dad to Graft vs Host disease, it came from when he was diagnosed with leukemia 2 years ago. I remember as child, thinking to myself "My parents are never going to pass away, they are going to be here forever, and they will take care of us forever." This was way for me to feel safe. There were times I would ask my mom and dad," Have you set your doctor's appointment up?" My parents would tell me, "Yes, stop asking." I feel me asking if they set up their appointment, was away for me protecting them and showing them, I love them and I will do anything to help out. Fast forward to now, I remember getting the call from my mom while I was driving home from work. She proceeded to tell me," Dad has leukemia and it's the really the bad kind." When I heard the word "CANCER" I just froze and just let my mom to talk. 

After I got done talking with my mom, I got out of the car and looked at my wife and shook my head her. She knew something bad just happened. My wife came to me and said," What happened babe." I replied to her and said, "My dad has cancer and it's not good." I started crying with my wife and then after the cries were done, I kept asking my wife," What kind of cancer does my dad have again?" because I wasn't getting how serious this illness was. My wife told me," Do you remember the movie Walk to Remember?" I said to her, "yes." She then tells me, " That is the cancer that your dad has." After she said that, I started crying and then we called my closes friends and told them the news. I woke up the next morning and thinking that this was dream and not real. Reality finally sunk in, and I realized that our family is never going to be the same again. My dad starting writing on the Caring Bridge, to express how he was feeling as cancer patient. I remember reading the first one that my dad wrote and thought to myself," This just got real."

My dad had so many doctor visits and treatments. The amount of medicine this man was taking was very shocking to me.  I kept asking my mom, " Does dad really need to take all of this stuff?" My mom would say " Yes, this medicine does this to this and this and help this." For me, that sounded a lot of jibberish to me. I visited my dad in April and seeing him so frail and so week broke my heart. I kept looking at mom and shaking my head and asking her, " How can a disease to this to a person?" My replied to me and said," I don't know hun, but this f*** sucks." We walked outside to the pool, and we just cried together. 

I knew my dad was getting weaker and weaker, so my dad decided to write his last Caring Bridge and the words that he said "Well, I'm dying." I remember being at their home and reading this on the sofa and just thinking," What life is going to be without him?". With in 1 minute of all of this, I get a phone call from my cousin, and we are not talking to each other all we are doing was crying and being there for each other. This was one of my favorite moments in my life because she knew I was in pain and made sure I was okay. She knew what life is without a dad. 

 A couple days later, I went into the office for a meeting, within 30 seconds, I get the call from H***. I looked at my phone and it was my mom calling. I picked up the call and my mom said, " Dad has passed and I missed him by 5 minutes." I remember saying to my mom, "Okay, I will pick my brother up and my wife up and we see you in a half hour." I dropped my phone on the floor and turn off my computer and said to my coworkers, " I got to go, my dad just died, and I will talk to you later. " I drove back home and waited for brother and my wife, and we drove to the hospital. We walked into the room and see my dad on the bed. I remember just looking at him and telling him," Just wake up for a second so I can say I love you." 5/24/23 (RIP DAD)

I know this blog was very long and I'm sorry for that, but I wanted to share something that is very personal to me to you guys. It's almost been 6 months without my dad, and I still think this is still a dream, and my dad is going call me or play with me on the golf course. I still listen to the voicemail that he left me, it makes me feel that he is still here with me, and my kids can hear his voice and know how much my dad adore them. He loved being a grandpa, he told me once, "Your kids, are the best gift you could ever give me." 

We only have one life, so lets work together and live our life to the fullest because we do not know when the end is coming. 

Thanks,

Tim 
 







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