Fitting in is a Gamble

 Well, we made it to Friday. The best day of the week. I hope people can get outside before the big snow. In this blog, I want to be more vulnerable with you. When you look at yourself, what do you see? Do you have something that sticks out, and all you do is think, why do I look like this? For me, I'm very self-conscious about my head, on how it is not perfectly round. Anytime I move my head back and down, the back of my head forms these lines that look like a credit card swiper. Unfortunately, there have been some times that people would slice a credit card in my line folds and pretend it's an atm. I sometimes feel that we act a certain way to impress people with how we look instead of being ourselves and not pretending to be something that we are not.

When I was younger, I always wanted to fit in with my friends. I would try anything to "fit in".  For example, I would ask my mom to buy me the shoes that my classmates were wearing so I could be the same as them and not be left out. In grade school, I would always have my hair gelled and have the newest shoes just to be the same as everyone else. When school would begin, I would sit at my spot and see if anyone would notice what I was wearing. I would wait for the bell to ring and then get out of my seat and just wait and wait and wait. 

All I wanted was for people to notice me and tell me that I was cool and not weird, but I would spiral and think the worst of myself. When school was over, I would look into the mirror and just stare, and think to myself, What is wrong with me, and "Why are they not noticing my look"? I did this every day; I would change something about myself every day to try to fit in. I started to realize that I was becoming more vain in how I looked. I cared way too much about what people thought about me. I know this is not living, pretending to be something that I'm not. I still struggle with the way I look today. People tell me that I'm handsome, but it's really hard to believe in something that you don't see. This is still a work in progress for me, and I'm taking the right steps to love myself.

My two cents for you is, when you look at yourself in the mirror, smile or laugh, and tell yourself that you're beautiful or handsome, and no one is going to take that away from you. Fitting in is not everything; it's okay to be different because you are more worthy of living versus pretending to be happy. I want myself and others to be happy and live life fully. Embrace your differences; they’re what make you unique. Remember, only you can choose your path, so don’t change to fit in with the crowd.

Have a great weekend!