Dark clouds

Thank you very much for reading my last blog. I'm sorry that was a long one, but I wanted to share something that means a lot to me. Me being this vulnerable makes me feel a little scared because I don't like letting others see my vulnerability, but I know that people who are reading this are genuine and really care about me and making sure I'm doing okay. I see the world a little differently than everyone else. It takes me courage and strength to start my day. Without having those qualities, I don't know if I would be here today sharing this with you. 

Five years ago, I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I never thought that I would ever get diagnosed with this. I had a normal childhood. Nothing too extreme for us. So I was surprised when I got the call from the doctor and telling me that, "You have severe anxiety and depression. Let's start taking this medication to help you." I remember hanging up the phone and started crying. I kind of ignored the depression a little bit and unfortunately things took a turn for the worse for me. 

It was very hard for me to accept that I was "mentally sick." I hated those words, but it was true. My depression got to the point where it got BAD. I was overeating and not communicating with anyone. The doctors kept looking for the right medicine for me, but nothing was helping me to get better. There was one night I remember working out downstairs and this black cloud came over and took over my body. My brain was going a thousand miles per second and my heart my pumping so fast. I walked over to the table and started to write me goodbye letters to my kids and wife. Your heard me right, my depression went suicidal. When I was done writing my goodbye notes. I walked over and stood on a chair and put the rope over my neck and I counted to 3. Right when I was about the jump, my wife opens the door and says, "What the hell are you doing?" I told her," Nothing". She came downstairs to come and get me and brought me upstairs and we proceeded to call the suicide squad. 

After we were done with the call, I asked her, "What made you open the door to the basement?" She told me, "I just had this feeling I needed to go and check on you." My wife who opened the door saved my life that day. If my wife didn't open the door, I would not be here telling you my life. 

I struggle every day with this. I'm so blessed to have a wife who sees me as who I am. She doesn't talk to me like I'm sick. She treats me like a human being and reminds me every day how great our lives are. 

So, if you know someone is struggling mentally, be that person and try to help them. A lot of people who have depression won't ask for help, but they will say something that will make you do a double take. Try not to ignore it and keep what they said back of your head. Keep that person close to you and keep reassuring them, "I'm here for you and am not going anywhere." You say those words, it will help that person to live a longer life, just like my wife did for me. 

Thanks

Tim 

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